he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
