I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
