wakey wakey hands off snakey
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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