I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
