you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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