The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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