If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
