Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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