I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
