Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
