Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
