we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
