I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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