I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
