I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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