you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
