we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
