His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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