McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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