Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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