Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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