Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
