Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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