I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have tasted many bathrooms
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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