Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
