Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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