my sisters under your porch take her home
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
