i think i have two assholes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
