i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
