Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
