The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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