hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
