the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
