Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
