Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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