Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
