No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
