This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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