hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
