No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
