So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
