I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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