Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
