Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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