So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
