so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
