I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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