we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
