My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
