I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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