been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize