I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
