Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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