Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
