the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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