why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
