Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
