It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
