I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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