what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
