did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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