That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
