his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
