At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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