i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
