So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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