i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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